Permission to be BRAVE

Published by Karie Millspaugh on September 14, 2018September 14, 2018

Permission to be BRAVE

Permission to BE Me Chronicles

It was during a cool fall evening of 2013 that I came across a situation that made me very aware of our inner debate between our gut reaction and our rational thoughts.

I had just gotten home from grabbing groceries with my 9-year-old daughter and she was helping me carry them inside. We were both tired from a long day and were looking forward to getting in our PJ’s and having a snack before bed.

As I hauled in the last bit of groceries, I remembered that I needed to grab the garbage can from the curb.

As I went to grab the can quick, I noticed a young teen girl wearing only a T-shirt and underwear, barefoot and crying walking up my driveway.

She startled me!

My neighborhood that I lived at during this time was very quiet, very few street lights and very few visitors, especially after dark.

She said, “Can I use your phone?”

My first thoughts were, uh oh, I’ve heard about these pranks before. Someone stages themselves to appear to be a victim and another person comes out of the bushes and robs them…

I paused and asked if she was hurt as she was walking funny, almost limping. I soon realized it was because she had been walking barefoot for a while on the cold pavement.

A part of me wanted to tell her to wait outside while I grabbed my cell phone as I knew I had a 9-year-old daughter watching intently.

I felt very vulnerable. All I wanted to do was grab my garbage can quick and call it a night.

As a full-time single mom, you are both mom AND dad . You don’t get to just be the safe nurturer that bakes brownies and kisses your child’s boo boos. You must also be the protector and the warrior which doesn’t always come to me naturally.

As she hobbled towards me with dried tears on her face, I told her to come inside. My intuition kicked in and I didn’t feel any danger. I sat her on my couch and gave her a blanket and asked her if she was hurt. My first thought was that she was raped as she wasn’t wearing any pants.

She said she was fine, just emotionally upset. When I handed her my phone, she blanked.

She realized what all of us realize, we don’t have anyone’s number memorized.

She then asked if she could use my laptop to log in to her google account where her contacts were saved so she could call a friend.

More little rational thoughts popped up about feeling vulnerable, especially with any personal electronics that contain your banking information and more… but then my mommy intuition kicked in again and I felt sorry for the girl.

As she warmed up to me while logging into her account, she started to tell me her story through sobs.

Apparently, she was getting her little sister to calm down before bed by coloring with her. During this interaction her mother had noticed that she had pierced her tongue. I guess that was against the rules in their household as she lost her mind and shoved the girl out onto the street, in just a night shirt, telling her she was not allowed to live in their home with a pierced tongue.

This poor girl literally still had the cap to the marker clutched in her hand this entire time.

I was astonished! I asked her the details behind going behind her mothers back for this new piercing.

She relayed that she thought it was cool and that another friend of hers had one as well. She said she did it 2 weeks ago, but her mom hadn’t noticed until now.

As she pulled up a friend’s name, she asked to use my phone again. This whole time she was very polite, cuddled up in one of my blankets. She got ahold of a friend and asked if she could spend the night there, as she wasn’t ‘allowed’ to come home.

You may be wondering why I didn’t ask where she lived so I could go talk some sense into her mother. That’s not my place, I felt that my place at this time was to provide some safety and shelter for this girl until her mother came to her senses.

Who pushes a half-naked teen out into the cold night?! I mean, c’mon?!

She then asked if she could get a ride to her friend’s house.

More little rational thoughts pop up… should I be giving a stranger a ride to who knows where and taking my daughter as well? I was feeling an assortment of emotions.

Pings of panic such as “Karie, are you crazy?!” “What are you doing?” “Your job is to be your daughter’s hero, not some strangers”…

But once again, my inner knowing, my intuition felt peace and calm.

I told my daughter to get her shoes on, and to get in the car, while thinking…Please Lord don’t let this be a trap.

It’s odd how the need to help others sometimes overshadows your own personal needs.

In certain situations that is necessary if it’s not your normal routine to put your own needs on a shelf.

We drive off down the street with her directions of where to turn. 5 minutes later we were in front of her friend’s house, we stop, and she gets out. As I watched her tip toe up to her friend’s door, the outdoor light flips on and I see another young girl her age, which I’m guessing to be around 14, give her a hug. She waves good bye and we drive off towards home.

As I kissed my baby girl goodnight and tucked her safely in her bed with all 15+ stuffed animals, I thanked God that I could be someone’s angel that night.

I felt warm inside, like I had made someone’s nightmare a little more bearable that evening.

If I had not given myself permission to be brave and feel into my gut instincts with each step, from interacting with her in the first place to bringing her indoors, then driving her to a different location I would have spun off into fear mode, allowing my ‘thoughts’ and past fear to dictate that evening.

We all have inner knowing, we all have intuition, just some of us have chosen to not expand that side of ourselves.

I always say that irrational fear keeps you from experiencing true life instances and rational fear keeps you from dying.

Take the time to know the difference so you can be someone’s angel when needed as well.

Karie Millspaugh