What would you choose…

To be liked or respected?

Have you ever sat in a crowded room and felt really uncomfortable? Did you look around and wonder how you got there? Did you start to think that something was wrong with YOU?
This has happened to me quite often and the worst thing that you can do is try to ADAPT to your surroundings.

Let me tell you a story or two to see if you can relate.
I was at a large conference a few years ago full of middle aged men. Most were headed to retirement and had a background in accounting. Then there was Karie… blonde, silly, bubbly and always laughing. Every time I would open my mouth and make a collective suggestion or comment these serious analytical men would look at me as if I had grown a second head! Not to mention, I find humor in EVERYTHING and sadly…they did not. I wanted to scream out in my Joker Voice “WHY SO SERIOUS?”!! So for the next few days I did my best to tone down my enthusiasm for life and my natural positive outlook. It felt heavy and wrong… I felt like I was suffocating but I wanted them to “LIKE” me and “INCLUDE ME”… Let’s just say it was the longest 3 day conference of my life in which I spent most of the time in my room hiding, versus socializing.
Second story… I joined a very Midwest, in the box, fundamental- religious structure of a church back in 2004 when my daughter was born. I thought it was high time that I get plugged back into church and what better excuse then that I was a new mom and wanted to raise my daughter in that environment? I also thought I would win some major points with my dad as well as he had been a Baptist Minister. Now I know… I know… (please hold all moans) that not all churches are created equal and I REALLY know that not all Baptist churches are the same either. This one was REALLY outside of my comfort zone and beliefs but I kept trying to FIT IN. I’m not really sure why when I look back today but I think a lot of it had to do with lack of self-confidence and the need to be “liked”.
I would go to every church service and event or they would lay heavy on the GUILT the next week if I missed one… God forbid! I would wear longer dresses and NEVER wear pants for fear the pastor would pull me aside to share what an UN Godly woman I was or worse, POINT IT OUT FROM THE PULPIT!… I didn’t dare suggest certain songs to sing during our morning worship for fear they were too secular or upbeat.  I’m a singer… and my voice was screaming to get out and rock the house! I felt like I was dying inside in this environment but I stayed being a member there for almost 3 years! Meanwhile the whole time my inner spirit and true beliefs wanted to yell from the stage that they had it ALL WRONG! Jesus didn’t turn His back on you because of your colorful past! God is full of love not condemnation! Jesus himself wouldn’t have been allowed in this church because his hair was too long!!

I finally left the church after a series of events that led me to believe the leadership was corrupted. I also endured the lying and the rumors of gossip that the pastor also circulated around me to try to take himself out of the spotlight of condemnation. I found out later that I was correct with my intuition of the pastor as he was ordered to leave the church… sadly I left that church with my character bruised and questioned. It was in that moment that I went from needing to feel LIKED, to KNOWING in my HEART that I would be respected for taking my stand and that respect would outlast being liked. I also knew that the truth would come out eventually and I would be seen as someone that TOOK A STAND for her beliefs.

Do you see yourself in my story?
Are you faced with decisions often that go against what you believe to be truth or are your morals in question?
Do you go with the flow of society for fear of standing out in the crowd or worse yet, NOT BE LIKED?
Do you realize that the entire crowd of people may be looking to you to make that stand?
I get asked often by friends and peers to many events here in Las Vegas. I never hesitate to say no if the energy in that environment is not healthy, or doesn’t match my spirit. I always ask myself, will I leave that environment a better person or will I feel drained, guilty and disgusted?
I’ve noticed as I take a stand, a lot of my peers are doing so as well and rely on me to take the lead for better choices in my business and life.

And you know what?

I’m happy to be that leader. Instead of abandoning some loving people in my life, I am blessed to encourage them to make better choices. They see me differently. They don’t love me any less but I can tell you one thing… they respect the pants off of me!!
Is there a place in your life or situation where you can be the leader? I encourage you to ask yourself why it’s so important to be liked when something so temporary as feeling “liked” can change tomorrow.

I encourage you to demand respect instead. That one sticks around awhile.

Try that on for size… it FEELS REALLY NICE!  The admiration in the eyes of others will last a lifetime as well!

Live life abundantly!

Karie Millspaugh
Business and Lifestyle Coach