Women used to scare me
You heard me right, women used to scare me …
Men were safe.
Men wouldn’t judge me based on the brand of my purse, shoes or accessories.
Men wouldn’t play the catty comparison game and start out a conversation referring to superficial topics.
My spiritual self loves deep and meaningful conversation and I would get lost in the question of who does my hair or the conversation involving make up and beauty tips.
Let me take you back to High School, which is where the damage showed up originally. I came from a big family, I have 3 sisters and my youngest sister was always my best friend. She was safe… she’s blood, she has to have “my back”. For the majority of my school years I always had at least one best friend that I could trust.
Then my parents moved me from Traverse City, Michigan, to the lower half of Michigan near Ann Arbor in a small town called Ypsilanti. I went from having over a thousand kids in my graduating class to maybe 200. In my hometown everyone had their own clique and stayed out of your business, therefore the bullying back then was very minimal. Moving to this smaller town made me realize quickly that every move I made was calculated, talked about, and referred to in detail to each other for days.
Guess they were REALLY bored as I was a topic of gossip more times than I can remember.
Let’s be real here, I’m an old soul. I was always more mature than my peers and got bored easily with pettiness. My mother wouldn’t worry about me being pulled into peer pressure as I just didn’t really care what others were doing. My main focus was my retail clothing job, boyfriend and theater classes.
Shortly after my arrival at this new school in the 10th grade,
I was quickly aware that I had been given the nic-name, “Barbie”.
Some may see that as a compliment but to me it started to cause more problems with girls and jealousy. I just wanted to be known for being “Karie”, plain and simple. My family had always referred to my younger sister and I as “the girls” so I felt like I was still fighting to have my own true identity.
This new identity left me feeling even more pressure of my appearance which led to unhealthy habits such as anorexia and spending my entire paycheck on new clothes every week.
As I graduated High School and moved on to bigger and better things I started to tell myself the story that men were safer than girls for friends. My friendship with my sisters became mandatory as I rarely let in any other females into my inner circle.
Even working in the corporate world I could feel my walls up around women. I wanted to feel free with them, have sister-like conversations and be able to trust them but something inside just wouldn’t let that wall down. So I found myself often times on the outside looking in with groups of female “friends”.
Women have hurt me… they’ve done some terrible things to me. Back stabbing, lies, and have even done the most despicable acts of all, trying to create a wedge between me and my husband at the time.
So you see how this story could be taken to the grave?
But God had another plan….
In 2003 I became pregnant after 8 years of marriage and thinking that I would never become a mother.
I was hoping for a boy, but God knew I needed to heal this part of my heart and embrace the beautiful feminine world.
When the ultrasound specialist told me I was having a girl, my heart sunk.
How will I raise this little girl? I’m “a tom boy in heels”, is the story I told myself often.
But that story had to go away…
I could feel God tell me that it was time to let go of the walls and that he had a mission for me. Not just being a mother of a gorgeous baby girl, but to LEAD WOMEN.
I even hid in a job that was 95% male for 5 years until my heart was renewed and healed. Then it was time to step full time into my own leadership business as a business coach.
Guess what gender I chose to lead in my first group coaching course as clients?
WOMEN
I was reconnected to my soul sisters, I fell in love again with femininity, soul sharing, beauty tips, magic, woo woo that could be discussed openly, that unique bond that only women can create as we nurture one another instead of competing.
I love this role as I reconnect with women to show them the way.
I’ve helped clients come out of their shell, claim confidence, find their true voice and step into their Goddess Power! I’ve helped them leave their husbands and find their way again as they re-write their own story. I’ve helped them create a business, brand and lead the way with their own business “ministry”.
It’s been a DELICIOUS ride and will continue to be so!
They were my inspiration to write my book, “Permission to BE ME, a Transformational Guide from Woman to Goddess” that comes out this spring, 2016.
I’m glad I let go of that story that women are mean and scare me… and I’m going to continue to lift up my sister hood for the rest of my chosen career.
I would like to invite you to jump on my webinar as I speak on confidence and how to truly take back your power and feel like a Goddess every day.
Karie Millspaugh
Business and Lifestyle Coach
#LapTopLifestyle Mentor
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